Bad Attitude

I haven't worked out since a week ago Wednesday. That's four workouts blown off. I have a decent work excuse for three of them. Really I do. Only one of them was unreasonable. I just stayed up late the night before a workout day and didn't get up in time and then a customer urgently required my attention unexpectedly in the morning. That night I had nicotine in my system and wasn't remotely tired at bedtime as a result. So, I watched TV until 1am and had to get back to work after 6 hours sleep.

Nicotine and I are old friends. It's a pleasant enough drug aside from it's most common delivery mechanism causing cancer. It was once professionally and personally useful to me because it would allow me to stay awake and alert for coding or late night gaming. Now that I don't code at night or game anymore and I'm realizing that this old friend does nothing but mess up my sleep cycle. This causes a messed up work out routine. Add to that the cardiovascular impact of not being able to run as far, as fast, for as long when I do get on the treadmill and we're talking about something that is standing square in the way of my health and fitness goals.

I hate working out. I hate not being able to run as well as I could three weeks ago. That makes me want to work out even less. Maybe even dread it a little. I need to get back at it anyway. Why? Because I hate my attitude even worse when I don't work out. Add to that a low grade withdrawal and I'm negative, angry, annoyed, overly critical and impatient. I try to keep this in check with high self monitoring in public and groups and maybe do a fair job. I cannot be high self monitoring all the time and I fear the smaller, friendlier groups where I don't do such a good job. Worst of all, my SO ends up getting hit with some of this. That alone is reason enough to get back on the treadmill and stop the lung pollution.

Perhaps the worst part of not working out is the appetite I get. When working out, I don't eat when I'm hungry. I simply eat six or seven hundred calories because it's time to eat. Last Tuesday night, after blowing through my snacks in the house, I went to the store specifically to get bad foods. I bought a big bag of candy, a bag of chips, a jar of salsa, a box of crackers, and a bag of sunflower seeds. I tried a little of each. By Thursday, the candy was gone. By Friday the crackers. By Saturday, the sunflower seeds. Of course, all of this was on top of my normal 1500 calories each day. The candy was 2800 calories alone.

The damage?

Date	Day	Weight	Trend	Diff	10ave	Diff
2008-09-24	Wednesday	261.2	263.0	-1.8	262.2	-1.0
2008-09-25	Thursday	260.0	262.7	-2.7	261.8	-1.8
2008-09-26	Friday	259.0	262.4	-3.4	261.3	-2.3
2008-09-27	Saturday	258.8	262.0	-3.2	261.1	-2.3
2008-09-28	Sunday	260.8	261.9	-1.1	261.1	-0.3
2008-09-29	Monday	260.0	261.7	-1.7	261.2	-1.2
2008-09-30	Tuesday	258.8	261.4	-2.6	260.9	-2.1
2008-10-01	Wednesday	260.2	261.3	-1.1	260.7	-0.5
2008-10-02	Thursday	262.0	261.4	0.6	260.4	1.6
2008-10-03	Friday	263.8	261.6	2.2	260.5	3.3
2008-10-04	Saturday	263.6	261.8	1.8	260.7	2.9
2008-10-05	Sunday	261.8	261.8	-0.0	260.9	0.9

As you can see, the trend line went bad on Wednesday and I've gained a half pound since. I NEED to get back on track again. I WILL work out tomorrow. I MUST.